Rhinoceruses don’t wear shirts.

Ok, needing a good jolly belly laugh this week, I thank my "Sexy Rhino" (and you know who you are!) for showing me this via Fark via albinoblacksheep via bash. For those who have read it, you know it's worth reading again. For those who haven't, put on your wizard hat (giggle) and enjoy.

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1. i put on my wizard hat



Made famous by the Bash.org Top 100 list, "I put on my robe and my wizard hat" refers to the fake cyber sex dialogues of BloodNinja.


Bloodninja by bloodninja
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?


BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?

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bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

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BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Catching up

I know, I know...

I'm behind with my Avalanche blogging. Truth is I've only been able to catch um... none out of the last three games. That hurts me a lot more than it hurts you, I tell you what! You know how I love to ramble on about nothing in particular via a cyber medium.

So, a little dose of reality here. My father in law is in the hospital right now. Not good stuff. And with school - the happy-holiday-humbug time of year - and life in general, a lot of the "fun" parts of my days are being put aside for a bit. Nothing to stress about. It'll all be back to All Systems Normal any day now.

Until then, I've decided to do some uber-blogging to catch myself up and put myself over the top, hockey wise. Here are the last three games in a nutshell…

we lost.

we lost.

we won.

Wait. I take that back. I did see bits and pieces of the Sharks game, come to think of it. I have these blazing images of Joe Thornton flashing all over the ice so I did catch a bit of the game. Hejduk scored a beautiful short handed goal (I DID get to see that, it was something worth smiling about). And did my eyes deceive me or did Capt. Joe score on a power play???? Yes, yes I knew we would finally remember how that was done!

Now for power blogging, prediction style. The next 6 games on the Av's schedule will go as follows:

Win, someone will break a stick and Budaj will yell profanity at several opposing forwards.

Win, someone will get injured yet still play out the final minutes holding his own teeth in his glove.

Win, but someone will slack on his shift and get sent down to Lake Erie, coach Q will be in a grumpy mood, double practices for the next three days.

Win, someone will get called up from Lake Erie, coach Q will wear his lucky pink tie again.

Win, someone will try to punch Finger in the face, or Finger will try to punch someone else in the groin.

And

Win, because aside from what you may think of me, I AM the eternal optimist!!!

Hee hee.

Sorry for the lame blog. Will try to regroup and come out with something worthwhile and entertaining soon.

And on some non-hockey related news… It *is* officially winter now. Know how I know that? The Mountain Lion warnings have been posted on Green Mountain. Yes, winter is officially here when the cats come down to play.